So I thought maybe I should tell you about me. Or at least enough not to scare you.
Maybe even in kind of a number list type of thing too? Too cheesy? Well screw you I'm doing it anyways. Today is for cheesy. Tomorrow I can go back to malice and displeasure.
- 1. My name is Christina Marie West. Never liked the name. I always wanted to have some hippy trippy name like Rain or Skye. Not because the weed has gotten into my head that much that it's making those decisions (well almost), but becuase I wanted something original. Apparently Christina is placed at #5 on the list of least original names. Although I was my parent's 4th kid so I think they just got tired and consulted that list.
- 2. The only thing that has literally kept my alive is MUSIC. When I say music has changed my life I don't say that cuz I'm being dramatic or sentimental. I literally mean I love it more than life itself. When I'm sad or moody, I listen to it. When I'm pissed or angry it gets my shit out. When I feel like today's going to be a good day I listen to enhance that feeling. I even bloody listen when I have a migraine. And I listen to the good stuff. Stuff that has soul. Al Green. Bob Marley. Beatles. Billy Holiday. Pink Floyd. Led Zepp. Cat Stevens. If you don't know at least one of these people, I can honestly say you don't know what music is.
- 3. I think the only thing that lasts is the people that make your life worth while. Whether it's a friend or famly member, you have to hold on. You have to treasure and love the shit out of them. Because money, things, homes, work. All that stuff fades and checks out. It's the one's you love and the experiences that you get to have with them that make this whole exhausting trip worthwhile.
- 4. I collect experiences. I don't collect things. Everytime I'm in that moment where everything is perfect, whether it's a night walk and I'm zeroing in on the soft taps of rain on my umbrella, or when my big family get together to get stuffed and everyone's laughing together about a joke someone said, or that feeling in a concert when the band is playing their last song and thousands of people are static with unleashed energy, I collect it. I fold in in my heart and keep it there until I need or want to feel that feeling again. I even tried as a kid to collect smells or more the feeling in the air. I'd bring these small empty jam jars around with me, and whether I wanted to save the clean salty air at a beach trip, or the smell of dewy flowers in my morning walk, I'd scoop the air with my jar and try and seal that moment inside of it. Of course it never really worked. I'd open the lids sometimes to see if that smell or presence was still there. But you can't physically save moments. It's only in the mind where you can truly savour memories.
- I have only one goal in my life. That is to find my passion. Sounds cheesy, but hey I warned you. Everyone has one. Whether it's art, or music, or writting, or hey cocaine. We all have something that gives us purpose that both grounds and liberates us. I am 19 in one day. And still for the past 19 years I've been almost angry at life. I think it's becuase I wasn't meant to be here. Or if I am, then I want purpose. Some people might say that purpose is God, or soul mates, or some other significant bullshit that we use to try and explain the randomness or lonliness of this world. But I think my significant thing is finding a way to wield that wildness inside me, and somehow unleash it. Not tame it or break it like this society constantly wears down on you to, but to bust out of the corral and fucking never turn back. I think what you could call it is internal freedom.
Okay enough of the heavy shit. I'm still that pot-smoking, self doubting, little girl. You can still count on me to keep bitching about life. It's all good. Besides tomorrow I'm 19. Only one more day till I can be legally stupid in Canada. Only have one prediction for tomorrow- and that involves a large martini glass in hand.
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