All that Matters

Help me love who I am. What I am. And what I aspire to be.
Because that is all that matters.

Experiment. Experience. Expand

It is amazing what is happening to me here.

I am learning to trust people, in fact to love them, even when they hurt me, or worse, when they annoy me :P

I am learning to take my weak immune system, the fact that I sleep on average 3 hours per night, and my constant back problems, but I still get up in the morning and I still do service for this place.

I am learning to see that I am not as beautiful as I want to be, or as talented as I want to be, but I still have pieces of beauty in me, and I still can work on what I love.

I am learning how not to stress, worry, and pressure myself to BE someone. To be rich or important or any of that.

I am learning to trust my choice or the ones I have not made, because I am young and life should only be about experimenting.

I am learning that hugs always should be given, and to never be too shy to ask for one. The friends here are always ready to dole them out, which to me is the real kind of friend.

I am learning to use my will, or ask for the divine will when I am weak, when I don't feel like I can go on, and then somehow some way, I always have just enough strength to go on.

I am learning to be thankful for the gifts in my life no matter how small or simple. Vitamins, gluten free cookies, my instruments, my computer, my clothes on my back, my friends here, my family back home, and for all the people who are gone from my life but are in still in my heart.

I am learning to feel like there are signs, or that you have to keep demanding from the Divine for answers. She takes her sweet ass time sometimes, but eventually she gives you a nudge and you have to still be open by then to notice it.

I am learning to listen, rather than blab.

I am learning how to feel important enough that I have something worth saying, that I am worth listening to, which for me is HUGE.

I am learning to feel happy for other even in my jealously or sadness that they have something good.

I am learning to feel okay. Which is better than okay if you know what I mean

Life from now is will only be this. Experiment. Experience. Expand

Director of the Universe

"The Director of the Universe knows what to do with you, so why worry."

"Let go, because whatever plans you have for yourself, they will change. Divine Mother has a plan for you so might as well go with it."

I'm am learning, maybe not so much learning but dipping myself in surrender. Learning to trust in God, leave my anxiety, worries, expectations, and plans up into the hands of the universe. It's so simple. There is no purpose. There is no expectation except the expectations you put on yourself. The only thing you can do, the only thing to live for is this precise moment. Are you even there? Are you aware? Are you even just allowing yourself to be yourself? Are you taking time to laugh? To read? To play some music? Talk, and I mean really talk with someone? Are you okay with who you are? Are you okay in your situation, no matter how fucked up or confusing or unsure it is? If not, then that is all you need to work on. All you need to do. So simple. And yet so complicated.

I am no where near the answers to the endless fears and questions and choices I must make. But I am dipping my feet into the unknown and that is enough for me

That should be enough for anyone.