Timeless

My brother recently came back from Taiwan and it's been great. I feel like for the first time we are close and in a time in our life where we can actually hang, actually talk, actually be buddies. I mean growing up with 6 year difference I was always running after him and his friends; they were the elite to me. These cool hippie badass skater boys who joked and got into trouble and were always telling to me to buzz off and I'd keep chasing them anyways.

One of the boys, Jamie who was always nice to me was getting married. And Jonah's timing couldn't be better seeing as the day after he arrived Jamie was having the wedding. So Jonah offered to bring me as his plus one and secretly I was praying the whole time he would.

I wanted to look hot, to look grown up, shock them all alittle. Maybe even feel like a grown up for once. And I did. I got smiles and lotsa lotsa "Wow we knew you when you were just a pip squeak and look at you now!"

I noticed too how much I missed these goofy guys. Seeing each one of them, despite the small changes and appearances, I was relieved to see the unchangableness in them. They were still those goofy playful wise cracking yet sweet and loveable as hell troublemakers they were now in their late 20's as much as they were when they were 8.

Kevin was still that skinny little Indian gangster dressing wild child who either be cracking jokes or smiling his big goofy grin until you couldn't help but laugh. Evan was still had that sneaky charm and his sarcasm still thick in conversation. And Jamie. Oh the married old man was still the confident sweet weirdo doing lineback dancing and breakdance moves on the dance floor even on his wedding day. All of em, they were like sweet and happy reminders of days in the sun, days of my childhood.

We all ended up on the patio terrace after doing too much dancing in the reception. Smoking cigarellas and double fisting beers we all talked about the good old days and memories so funny you choked on the words. It was like I had never experienced all the bad krap, all the hard krap, or any of the dissapointing krap which is inevitable growing up.

That night was about dancing, and laughing, and eating, and celebrating, and doing some much needed catching up. All so far away and on such different paths now it was hard to leave knowing that we'd probably never see eachother again for another 10 years.

That is why if your reading this, remember to cherish life, and cherish those who are important in that life. Keep the good memories folded away in your heart, keep that glow inside for the hard days outside. Time is fleeting, but memories are timeless.

Or in this case, Goddess

I wonder if this makes me weird, makes me a little of a pariah. But I don't think I love anything more or anyone more than music. She can make me cry, laugh, dance, vent, scream, relax, and even get turned on. I call her she because like a man names his car for affection, I see music as a living being breathing loving entity.

I came home tonight from a particularly difficult day. I was deathly sick and still went into work, and after about 5 mins into my shift realized I was probably going to pass out. I coughed, hacked, and dripped snot over at least 200 angry and impatient people. Alone and the only cashier of the night with a snot ball hanging off my noise and my voice now so scratchy I can barely whisper the total, I had to listen to another person complain about how there wasn't enough people on tills at night. Yeah. Right. Like I didn't fucking know that.
I seriously felt like my life had shrunk and shrivelled and would die in this horrible place and that all my days were going to be like this because I've had too many of them.

I came home planning pretty much on dying. And then maybe eating something. Or whichever order came first. But I listened to some tunes after I filled my belly with some hot soup and she spoke to me in her most softest beautiful voice. She spoke in guitar and piano and in that husky voice, each note saying it's okay. You're okay. Life will be okay.

I love her. She is the only one there in the morning and there for me at night. I keep pretending like I don't know what I want to do with my life, but the truth is I know. Anything that involves getting to know her. Getting to adore her. Getting to honour her, I would be the most happy to do. Music, my only God. Or in this case Goddess.