Pockets of Peace

I never understood what artists meant when they said that they are not the creators of their work, that some energy or God works through them and they are just the instrument. But a couple nights ago I was having this static energy in my hands before I was getting ready for bed. My mind was sagging and tired but I felt like I had to write, like I had this pent up poem in my hands that had to come out otherwise it would keep me awake. So I wrote. And usually I detest poetry, or at least my own. I am no poet. But after I came up with this one, I feel like maybe I could start.

I think I'll call it Staying up with God.

                 

I don't have much to say,

other than I talk too much. 

I skip sounds in my feet

add lyrics to a beat

but I don't know how to be quiet.

Thoughts push like a crowd

and each one is loud

but I don't want to buy it.

Because when I become still

each feeling in me is filled

with  consistent one.

I don't have to be pretty or impressive 

or act tough or aggressive 

as a spirit I am done. 

But these pockets of peace 

are hard to keep 

and in that way (or in of it itself) become vital

In this world that can so easily crash

we drink booze and smoke hash 

to keep away the darkness which comes like a tidal.

That's why you have to grow your glow

reap what you sow 

and know that everyone is here for a reason

Go confidently into life

bring joy into strife

and love yourself, because God never plans for treason.

Repeat, "I am me, I am me

I am strong I am free

and if not then I'm getting there."

I'm no saint or sage 

but I got a pen and this page 

and this is what i've come to share.

They will tell in life: be that or do this 

But to know self,  to know God

my advice,

follow your bliss. 

Then the World Should end more often

Today is 12.21.12 the ominous day where it was proposed to be our last day. Yet this morning with all my fellow worker yogi buddies we played games. We played animal charades and pictionary with horrible drawings and ever more horrible guesses. We laughed and cat called and generally acted silly. A bunch of adults acting like children. It was fantastic.

Usually our meetings in the morning are for reading out our duties and planning for the day ahead. But today we played games. And then to top it off we were told to sit down as our leader brought in ice cream and cookies for breakfast. There we were. The 12, yes 12 current apostles sitting around the yellow round table, having The Last Breakfast. Cameras came out and laughs spilled out. So I say if this is what happens at the end of the world, then the world should end more often.

Tell me it gets better

Bad day today. Feeling like I will always be on the bottom. That I'll always be the grunt, the nobody, the body of the chain. I'm tired of being powerless. It's hard for me to feel like I have any energy to climb the long ladder up.

Please tell me it gets better.

Never Left me at All

These are the things I've heard, things I'm affirming, and things that I don't know where they come from

"Once you become aware, you can't go back. Conciousness is both a gift and a curse."-

"It's okay, each day I'm becoming alittle more positive."-

"Thank you ma, thank you for the warmth of you in the sun"-

"You should do it, why not?"-

"I am calm, I am safe, I am happy"-
"By the grace of God I will sleep soundly"-

"No cellphones, no buildings, no internet. You totally disconnect. You sleep under the stars and catch your own fish, and bathe in the ocean. That is what real life is."-

"Knowledge comes from the mind, but wisdom speaks from the heart."-

God is transient and fluid. I feel like he looks out for me and other times I feel as lonely and deserted as rock in the desert. I am trying so hard to match my heart to my head, to believe in these affirmations and positive outlooks on life. But my heart hurts so much because I feel unhappy so often. I do not know if God is trying to tell me I won't live long or that the world will be over soon. Maybe that is why I've always felt so stressed and so afraid of this life. All I know is that I hope at the end he will be there for me, and hug me, and tell me he never left me at all.