Just Feel Okay

I don't know how to write anymore. And that scares me. I want to communicate, to break, to fill, and spill out all these things that come with life.

I wish I new how to properly describe the fear and excitement and frustrated fury I feel everyday.

I wish I knew how to stretch hours into days to fulfill the amount of passions and desires and things I want to try out.

I wish I knew how to feel good about myself without letting another pretty girl make me feel worthless.

I wish I knew how to describe how this ache of beautiful sadness I feel whenever I hear a good song, or fully dance around a room, or meet a new amazing friend, or when I feel like I accomplished something other than another responsibility.

I wish I knew how describe how my mind works like a camera frame daily, trying to make my life into a moving movie, with scenes and the best angles, and capturing the best snippets of funny dialogue, or the best soundtrack for each moment.

I wish I knew the difference between feel hopeless and hopeful. Or at least maybe the secret to figuring out the easy way.

Crying and random dance fits have become a necessity and yet a burden on my everyday life, something I literally have to do at least once a day or my emotions will literally rip in and out of me and leave me for dead.

I want passion, and fire, and health, and security. I want days with feeling okay, with feeling ready, ready for it all.

I want things that boost and become part of me. I want to be full and overflowing with purpose, saturated so deep in satisfaction each day that it pours out of me. Like a cup of nectar I want to be and see only sweetness. I want to be golden and bright and have that spark. I don't know where I am right now but I just want to get past the uncertainty and just feel okay. Just feel okay.