“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” - Bob Marley
I kinda feel sick. Everytime I find something good, it dissolves as soon as I grab it, like a sandcastle that with one touch, crumbles. I met guys who I think are nice, they turn out to be douche bags. I think I've found a genuine friend, yet she ditches me whenever I need her. I get what Bob Marley is saying, but sometimes it feels like I should just become a hermit, cause I don't think I can do anymore of this suffering stuff. It seems like I am constantly fighting against luck, against murphy's law. That ol murphy loves to hang around me and I'm starting to think he's the only one I can count on. I miss feeling like I have a confidant. Or someone I can rely on instead of always having to be the reliable. But am I the problem? Am I attracting all this shit, all these flakes? Or even is it my fault? Most of the time I convince myself that all the hurt they dish out, is actually my fault. How fucked up is that?
What should I do? I know I complain but it's only because I feel so fucking lonely. So goddamn lonely. I have friends and family, yet I don't feel like I could or would call any of them even if I was lying in the streets. I am in a crowd of familiar faces, yet I am homesick for something I can recognize.
It may look as if a relationship is you with another person or with other people, but it is always you within you, and relationships are one of the greatest mirrors you can have for yourself -- your patterns, your beliefs, your conditioned responses.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, each relationship you have with another person reflects your relationship with yourself. So check out your motivations. Why are you doing what you are doing? Are there any underlying reasons for your actions, thoughts, and feelings? This kind of self-examination can reveal much to you about yourself, especially if you see every relationship as telling you how you are with yourself.