I think that Lion was me

I had a dream last night. Dream is a light word for what I experienced. I had a physical and mental shock that past from my unconscious into my conscious.

What I remember was somehow I was is this desert. Golden sand for miles and sunlight so bright I felt like a lizard in a tank with a lamp hanging right over me. I can't remember specifics of who I was in the dream. Whether I was me, or some guy, or maybe really just a lizard, part of the desert surroundings. But I could see everything and nothing at the same time.

Until I saw a lion. Or at least I could see the outline of him in the distance. He was football fields away, but even from that distance, I could see his head turned towards me. I could see him looking at me. I shuttered. He moved closer, walking. Almost lazily, like he had all the time in the world. And then he started picking up his back feet, and his head bent forward in the wind. Pacing.

I wanted to turn, I wanted to run with everything inside me, but just like a dream, I couldn't.
He was now a field away. That's when in went into attack mode. Full on running at me. His mane flapping back behind him.

I screamed but nothing came. I ducked but he was still coming at me.

The last thing I remember was seeing him a foot away and his big golden eyes looking straight into me as he pounced forward, ready to take me down. And for some reason, mixed in with the absolute terrifying reality I was going to die, I was also in awe. His eyes were so big. So large they filled my whole vision. And it looked like I was looking into a whole universe contained within his gaze. I snapped awake, sitting upright and sweating so badly my clothes were damp.

It felt like the most blessed curse.

I talked to my sister the next morning about it and she said it was a good sign. That it was a powerhouse symbol coming to me.

But how can dying and being scared shitless be a good sign?

I think it meant things are coming for me. Terrible, terrifying, drastic things. But they will be just as fierce in their magnificence.

Just like the time I once did this questionnaire story thing, that symbolically tells you about yourself. My friend asked, "If you are in a field and off to the side a storm is coming, what does it look like? What are the clouds like? What does the air feel like?"

I said the storm would have strong winds, and violent black clouds, and slashing through it would be pink lighting. Apparently the "storm" was a symbol of what my future problems would be like in my life.

And true to form, my hardships are huge, they are rough, but just like my pink lightning, they are also blazing forms of change, that in the end are gifts. The worst things that happen to me are also going to be my greatest moments.

That lion was a physical embodiment of the way I react to life, fearful and scared shitless as it comes right at me. But only at the exact moment before despair, I gave in. I allowed myself to be at peace.

I wonder why it's only at the moment of destruction, we realize we should have done things different, and why before we die we finally have peace.

I look at the lion now like he is my greatest fear and greatest power. And I think he knows that too. Because somehow I think that lion was me.