the heaviness of too many longing

Why is it the things you want are the things you can't have? I've been in Encinitas California for the past couple days and even though I'm not leaving yet I'm already dreading and sad to go back home. This place is a paradise. The gorgeous coastline going for miles all the way up the highway 1. The small town with it's little boutiques and cafes lining the street. The beaches with the beautiful waves (and might I say beautiful surfies too). And the people. All these cool yoga-wearing-veggie-eating-beach bum-surfing badass yogis. All these devotees grew up together, go to chapel together, have eachother over for brunch. It's enough to make me yearn deeply for some kind of belonging and family they have with eachother. Bumped into an old friend on the beach today. Heard from him about all the group,weddings I didn't know about, breakups that I was shocked about, and location changes that were happening. It was hard to realise but life was happening for them, whereas I'm still in the same spot as I've always been. No future and no plans. Fuck. I don't think I'm meant to do anything sometimes with my life, and then other times I feel like I'm only here for a certain purpose and everything is extra bullshit. What is it about uncertainty that I can't handle? That makes me terrified of letting go even just a little? I know I always say this shit, but i'm lost. And sometimes I feel like everyone else has a map, and I just got planted in the middle of no where. I want so many things my heart has started to physically hurt from the heaviness of too many longings. I want to live in encinitas. I want God to speak to me in any way. I want family. I want a partner who loves me. I want to stop hurting. I want focus. I want goals and dreams that come true. I want enough finances to acomplish it all. Where's a genie in a bottle when you need one eh?