I am isolated.
I am so far from shore, I don't even see the light house anymore
I know I swam from most life
but because I could't stand the strife
of trusting someone who would only leave.

God knows I made bad decisions
leaving sun patches for fear of a storm
I did not even trust refuge.
It seemed a passing stop to death
in a lifetime of worry thats all you need
to heed
"Go it alone."

alone is part of loneliness
but then why is independance the only thing i have left?
that doesn't buy me boat or a friend or confidence

Worried worried
drowning in my own tears
which make me cry
which makes my ocean
just a little higher ahead.

heart cold
lost feeling in my feelings
scared that i don't exist without them
scareder that they are all who I am.

Ma, I've been alone for so long.
I miss you in the sadnesses
but I miss you more in the joys.
happinesses are only happy if they are shared.

I feel like you're a missing friend
who we don't speak anymore
but everytime something good happens
i wish I could tell you more

Where are you?
You are not in my bank, my health
my heart is bankrupt for things which I cannot store
so sore so sore
mental hurts keep score
scared
scared
where will i be if you don't love me anymore?

I've never been good at saying I'm wrong
because I've never been right
trying to feel like God is in the light
when all I want to do is put the shutters on at morning

will you still be around when I give up on myself.
will you be there if give into the night
the cool press of ocean tears
and the pull of sleep from the devil
who talks gently
like I can trust
peace in blackness
peace in something which is effortless.
peace in the kindness of relief.

i want to believe in something again.
even if it's a patch of sunlight
in a storm.