I love my little friend Veronica. She sweet and smart and very wise all packed in a small little size. She's like me when I was younger. Basically the same thing even. But I wonder if she pities me. I'm always giving her advice and making her meals and part of me loves being able to pass wisdom on from life since she's still young and well...i guess I'm still young in the grand scheme of things, but from 19 to 23 thats actually a big age gap. She still pining over her high school boyfriend who treated her like krap and she's still living at home. I want to protect her from mistakes and bad decisions, I give her advice on things because I want her to skip the bad shit and go right to the good stuff.
But she always leaves in the same way she comes. Quickly and without any notice. I'm always like 'hey give me a hug or come say bye first you loser. Maybe I'm too sappy but I always want to end any night whether it's with a friend or family with a hug. I feel like its a lasting reminder of love to keep them going until the next time we meet. And who knows how long that'll ever be, so it's gotta last.
"Oh yeah," she begrudgingly comes back and gives me a light side squeeze. Yupp it's official, I am old and uncool now. Like a lonely parent who wants to give their child a kiss before dropping them off at school but they turn their cheek.
I try not to think this, because we honestly do have alot of fun together and its awesome having a friend again who's up for going to concerts, or talking about boys, or eating snacks at 11pm. I don't know though...it's very difficult for me to tell anymore whether people truly care or want to be friends. Or whether they see in you opportunities or things they can get from you, ways to improve their situation through being your friend.
Am I being too cynical, or just too perceptive?
Who knows...
All I know is, it get's lonely having to think all the time.
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