22

I am 22 and I don't know what to do

I am 22 and I don't know what to do
my friends are fools
boyfriends are tools
and the loneliness is everywhere

I got not genuine friends
no money and no benz
and i'm still learning to be okay with the quiet

For in stillness is noise
of inner turmoil and rage
a place of no poise
I am a mess of tangled thoughts
which judge each other like high schoolers.

It is sad to think I believe that they are who I am
when all I want is to tell them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone with some good ones

How can I do that?
I need community
This is the first era where people have gone off to live separately, and isolate themselves in separate places in separate areas. I mean theres no connection left. Between people. Or to our past generations. Or to what once was.
Industrial revolution man.
Beginning of everything and the end of everything.
Beginning of plenty yet emptiness
Beginning of production, but not creation.
Beginning of saving time, but not relishing it
Beginning of security, and yet uncertainty
Beginning of choice, and yet paralysis
Beginning of order, yet chaos

Where and why did we go wrong? All the lonely people? Suicides? Depression? Drugs? both legal and illegal? It's all symptoms of something wrong. The wrongness of what this planet has become. We have to fight to get back to the original. Get back to roots and righteousness, and family, and bonds, and support, and faith, and goodness, and kindnesses, and community!

How can I be more a part of that?
How can I further beauty on this planet, for both me and the world?
That is what I want to focus on this coming year. That is all I want to aim for this new year of my life. Because if I just go along with it any longer, go along with being sad, and hopeless, and unsatisfied, and just bloody miserable with circumstances…I don't think I'll make it to my next birthday with any soul left intact. Lord guide me and send me where I need to be sent. I want to serve. And learn. And do something worthwhile with my small life. Please come to me. Please Please guide me